Recess Revisited: A Recovery Behavior

By Diane Detwiler-Zapp, MA, LPC

Friday, November 27th, 2009 | Originally published in the MeadowLark Fall/Winter 2009 Newsletter

Many of us have fond memories of recess. As children we could tolerate boring information, being quiet in our chairs, and working attentively if we knew a break was coming - a break when we could run and jump with our friends and not have to be still or quiet. This was recess at its best.

Unfortunately, for some of us, recess was a time of teasing or, worse, bullying. If that was your experience, substitute "recreation," "respite," or "reprieve" for the word "recess." Whatever word you choose, be sure to remember a time when you experienced a positive break. It might be a time a grandparent took you fishing, a teacher listened to your feelings, or your dog snuggled up to you when you were sad.

All of us at one time were able to find joy in our fingers and toes. We laughed at the breeze on our faces or played in the mud with reckless abandonment. We were totally present in the moment. We were aware of ourselves, our feelings, and our sensations. We were alive, aware, and awake! There was no past or future, only now. We were practicing mindfulness.

Jon Kabut-Zinn, in his book, Wherever You Go There You Are, defines mindfulness as "paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally." We can choose to be mindful as a way to enhance our recovery, a way to promote healing, and a way to re-create. When we don't judge our moments, our creations, ourselves, or others as good or bad, we can begin to find serenity. We get a recess from our self-criticism and from the expectations of others. Thick Nhat Hanh, in his book, Touching Peace, describes the nurturance received in a mindful state as "the mother who cares for your pain every time it begins to cry."

We need to learn to insert recess/reprieve into our fast-paced, busy techno days. Even though we are adults, we still need something to look forward to, a time we can count on. In the words of an old soda commercial, we need a pause that refreshes. We need to skip the soda, however - and mood-altering chemicals and any other self-destructive behavior that merely distract us without contributing to our health. We need to be refreshed in the best sense of the word.

Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard-trained brain scientist, had a massive stroke in the left side of her brain when she was 37 years old. Her book, My Stroke of Insight, poignantly describes her experience, her eight-year recovery, and the wisdom she learned from that long journey. A very simplistic summary of her description of the functions of the left side of the brain is that it uses language; is linear and logical; structures time; and is concerned with the past, the present, and the future. It makes up stories, decides "Who am I?", compares us to others, and is the source of constant "brain chatter."

In contrast, the right side of the brain uses pictures instead of words, is intuitive and creative, is focused on the present moment, and notices sensations and emotions. Experiences of unity, connectedness, peace, and spirituality are found in the right brain. Because of the damage to the left side of her brain, Taylor was forced to spend most of her time in the right hemisphere of her brain. A gift from her recovery is that now she consciously chooses to use her right brain to de-stress, to be creative, or to connect spiritually. We too can consciously choose a right-brain recess.

Simple ways to access this kind of reprieve are to sing, to dance with abandon, or to joyfully play a musical instrument. We can paint or pray or meditate. We can play with a child with our full attention. We can choose to be grateful in the present moment. We can focus on our bodies with appreciation as we exercise. We can be quiet and mindful in the wonders of nature. We can laugh with friends or watch a funny movie alone. We can journal without judgment. The possibilities are endless. We can share with each other how we find this kind of peace and re-creation. We can create our own oasis in the desert of worry, the grip of grief, the work of recovery, or the triggers of trauma.

Sometimes this choice is easy and smooth, and sometimes it is more challenging. In the times of challenge, we can consciously choose to bundle these techniques, to use two or even three at the same time. We can play a flute on the beach. We can sing as we hike or listen to music as we meditate. We can work in the garden and say the serenity prayer over and over as we feel the breeze on our face.

This all sounds simple, but we need to gently guide our attention back to these access activities when our minds wander back to worry, fear, or hopelessness. And wander they will! These recovery tools are not about perfection. When we use them and find only limited relief, we need to affirm ourselves for our efforts, breathe deeply, and remind ourselves that recovery and peace are possible, and that our pain will not last forever. We only need to make it through the day, or the hour, or the moment, and we can ask for help from a friend, a sponsor, or our Higher Power.

Pia Mellody, in her book Facing Codependence, teaches us two important concepts that we often would prefer to ignore: facing reality and practicing moderation. The previous warning that recovery tools are not an instant panacea for difficult moments is a reality. These are the times when we need to keep putting one foot in front of the other on our recovery journey and keep doing the next "right thing." Moderation is important even in the use of these recess recovery tools. To spend all of our time in our right brain rejuvenation can become an escape from reality. So again we are talking about moderation. Recess was only a part of our school day, not the whole day.

In their book, The Grief Recovery Handbook, John W. James and Russell Friedman describe reality avoidance in an interesting concept they call "STERBS," or Short Term Energy Relieving Behaviors. In their words, STERBS "create an illusion of recovery by causing you to forget or bury emotions." The emphasis is on the phrase "short-term." Addictions, negative self-defeating behaviors, and lack of moderation are the ultimate examples. We numb ourselves by using mind-altering chemicals, drinking or eating too much, or not eating. We work too much, use sex to escape or obtain a false sense of esteem or power, or get lost in the lives of others to our own detriment. We use money, work, gambling, or relationships for the same purpose. These are escape behaviors, not rejuvenating ones.

Prevention is an important concept. Often it is easier to prevent or minimize a difficult time than to recover from one. We need to incorporate recess/reprieve into our daily lives, and not simply use it when times get tough. It's like emotional weight training. If we work on getting strong every day, we are able to lift our emotional burdens more easily than if we have to strain to the point of hurting ourselves when crisis or challenge comes. So think about your own recess time. What will you do? Go back to some of the activities that brought you joy as a child. Experiment in a spirit of lightheartedness. Copy from others (we couldn't do that in school, but now we can). This is not a homework assignment. It is recess. The bell is ringing. ∞

About the Author

Diane Detwiler-Zapp, MA, LPC, has a private practice in Paradise Valley and Wickenburg, Arizona, where she offers individual, group, couples, and relationship counseling. Her areas of expertise include addictions of all kinds; mood disorders including depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety; and trauma recovery work. She is also certified as a level II EMDR clinician.